Chapter 8 Alexander's pov

The flight back from Tokyo felt longer than it should have. Every time I shut my eyes, I felt Ethan’s mouth on mine again, the hot mind blowing kiss . I hate that we were interrupted and I wish I knew who did so I could make him pay. I kept telling myself it was nothing. That I had the situation under control. But if that were true, why was my chest tight every time he avoided my gaze? It's like he is trying to shame me or something. Now my brain keeps repeating his words about everything we are doing wrong . I'm not one to give up easily, I'll just go harder next time.

Beside me in the private cabin, Ethan sat stiff, his body angled away from mine. He hadn’t said much since our flight took off. His silence was saying a lot. I could feel the weight of it pressing against me harder than the jet stream outside.

I reached for the glass of bourbon the flight attendant had left me and swirled it in my hand, “You’re awfully quiet,” I said finally, breaking the silence.

He didn’t look at me. “ will it kill you to not talk. I am working here.”

A dry laugh left me. "So you're saying this is you working? You’ve been glaring out the window for three hours. If that’s your definition of protecting me, I should demand a refund.”

That got him to look at me, his eyes hold this irritated look, those dark eyes sparking like flint against mine. “Maybe if you took things seriously for once, I wouldn’t have to work twice as hard.”

“Oh, I take plenty seriously,” I murmured, leaning closer. His shoulders went rigid, exactly the reaction I wanted. “ So is this normal for you?” I move my hand back and forth, from me to him.

"What Is?"

"You kissing your Boss and acting like it didn't happen?" I say taping my lips which caught his attention for a second.

“Drop it,” he said, his voice sounding gravely like he is about to murder someone.

I smile “ you know we both want it,so why deny yourself such pleasure?”

The muscle in his jaw ticked. Then he looked away again, retreating into silence like it was an armor. I think it's an armor though. I let him have it,for now. But I wasn’t done. Not by a long shot.

When we got to new York I decided that sonce Ethan won't let me have my way, I guess I'll have my way where I can,which is at Work. Burying my self in work has always been my way of avoiding my reality, But the distraction ended the second my father’s secretary informed me he wanted to see me immediately.

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

The Blackwood estate hadn’t changed since the last time I’d been forced to step foot inside it. Massive white columns, a driveway that could fit twenty cars, the kind of wealth that screamed at anyone who came close, that we are untouchable.

I was untouchable to everyone except to my dearest Father I wasn’t untouchable.

Entering the building I went straight to my study where he always is. I opened the door to his study without knocking and found him seated behind the same mahogany desk where he’d built his empire, and where he’d spent my entire life reminding me I’d never live up to it. His hair had gone silver at the temples, but his eyes were still cold, unforgiving and unrelenting as always. He hasn’t changed at all.

“Alexander.” He gestured for me to sit. His voice was clipped, like I was one of his board members, not his son. He can't even pretend to be happy to see me.

I stayed standing. “Father. You wanted to see me.”

His mouth thinned, probably trying to hold his tongue back from saying something unpleasant. He leaned back in his chair,“ Are you trying to end me before my time.”

'what do you mean.' I asked,confused.

He slid a folder across the desk. Inside were photographs of me at a bar weeks ago, a drink in hand and Ethan’s silhouette visible just behind me. Another photo from Tokyo, which is blurry but but obvious it's me with a man, leaning close like we were about to kiss. A man I am apparently trying to seduce, which my father will never find out about. It's not like I was doing anything wrong in the photos but I know what they could do to Ethan's image.

My pulse skipped, but I forced my face into nonchalance. “And what exactly is the problem? Last I checked, I’m allowed to have company when I travel.”

His gaze sharpened. “Company is one thing. Men are another.”

There it was. The same argument we’d had a hundred times before, I braced myself, already hearing the words before he spoke them.

“You will ruin everything if you continue down this path,” he said, voice like ice. “how many people do you think will be interested in us if they know you are...' he waved his hands around not wanting to say the word gay.'you' he finally let out.If you want to play with men, fine. Do it quietly. Do it in private. But when it comes to your public life you will not put shame on my face. You will marry a woman and will produce heirs. You will uphold the Blackwood name.”

The words hit like punches I’d taken too many times to bruise from anymore. My chest tightened, anger and shame a toxic mix boiling under my skin. “So you want me to lie. To Pretend to be something I’m not, just to keep up appearances? You cant even say the word gay for christ sake."

“Appearances are everything,” he snapped. “You think I care who you sleep with behind closed doors?,I've told hundreds of time I don’t. But the world is watching you, Alexander. And I will not have my legacy destroyed because you can’t control your impulses.”

My laugh was humorless. “My impulses. That’s what you think this is?”

His silence told me enough.

“You’ve been saying the same thing to me since I was sixteen,” I said, voice dropping lower. “Sleep with whoever you want, just make sure no one knows.Cause you will end up with a woman. Do you have any idea how pathetic that sounds?”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?” His voice thundered now, rattling the air. “You think the world will accept you for what you are? It won’t. It will eat you alive. I am trying to protect you, whether you like it or not.”

I shook my head slowly, my throat burning. “No. You’re trying to protect yourself, Your precious name is all that matter. Nothing about all this is for me.”

We stared at each other across that heavy oak desk. My fists itched at my sides.

Finally, he exhaled, “I’ve arranged a dinner date with a young lady from one of our strongest partners. You will attend. You will charm her, I don't want to know how but you will”

My blood ran cold. “You can’t be serious.”

“The date is set for next week. Do not embarrass me, Alexander. You’ve already done enough of that.”

And just like that, he dismissed me. Turned back to his computer, as though he hadn’t just ordered me to betray everything I was.

I left the estate with fire in my veins. By the time I got back to my penthouse, I was ready to break something. Instead, I poured myself whiskey and paced the length of the living room.

I hated him. I hated the way he could still make me feel small, even after everything I’d built on my own. And yet… under the rage,there was still that old, poisonous thread of doubt.

What if he was right?

What if everything I want would eventually destroy me?

I downed the whiskey and slammed the glass down harder than I meant to.

“Rough night?”

The voice came from the doorway, smooth and familiar. I turned, and there he was ,Ethan. My hot bodyguard. He was leaning against the frame, arms crossed, watching me with that unreadable expression that always made me want to tear it apart.

“You could say that,” I muttered, reaching for the bottle again.

His gaze lingered on me, searching, dissecting. “Meeting with your father?”

Of course he knew.

"Congratulations," I said, whole pouring another drink. "You win the prize for Most Observant."

“Alexander...”

“Don’t.” I cut him off, my voice harsher than I intended. “Not tonight.”

But Ethan wasn’t the type to let go. He stepped further into the room, his presence filling the space, grounding and suffocating all at once. “ you let Him get to you.”

I laughed bitterly. “He’s always gotten to me. That’s what fathers do, isn’t it? Break you down until you can’t tell the difference between their voice and your own.”

Something flickered in Ethan’s eyes, something almost like sympathy. I didn’t want it. I wanted his fire, his resistance, his refusal to bend to me.

But when he said quietly, “You don’t have to listen to him,” I almost believed it.

Almost.

I set my glass down and crossed the space between us in three strides, just enough to smell the faint trace of soap still clinging to his skin. His eyes widened just slightly, but he didn’t move back.

“You don’t get it,” I said, my voice came out low. “He doesn’t ask. He just gives orders , and if I don’t obey, he’ll make me pay for it in ways you can’t even imagine.”

Ethan’s jaw tightened. “Then let him. You’re not a kid anymore, Alex. You don’t have to let him control you.”

I wanted to laugh or scream even but Instead, I pressed closer, my breath brushing his ear. “Do you know what he told me tonight? He told me I can fuck as many men as I want,as long as I do it in the dark. And later marry some poor woman to keep up appearances. And as long as I stay his perfect little puppet.”

Ethan’s fists clenched at his sides. His eyes burned into mine, and for a second, I thought he might grab me.I wanted him to, but he didn’t.

Instead, he said quietly, “And what are you going to do?”

The question gutted me because I didn’t have an answer. All I knew was the fury in my chest, the ache of wanting something I couldn’t have, and the way Ethan’s presence made it all pronounced.

So I did what I always do ,since I met Ethan.

I kissed him in my mind.

And I swore, silently, that I’d make him kiss me back for real before long.