Chapter 1

Alice's POV

I dragged myself up to the third floor. God, my legs felt like jello. My stomach hurt so bad I thought I might throw up right here in the hallway. When did I eat last? Whatever, just get to the door.

The light up there was doing that flickering thing again. I dug around for my keys with shaky hands. Five jobs today. Five freaking jobs. Coffee shop this morning, then data entry, then cleaning this lady's house, washing dishes at Romano's, and the convenience store till now. My whole body was screaming at me, but I couldn't help doing the math: $847.32 in checking. Still not enough for Matthew's doctor thing next month.

"Just two more months," I mumbled to myself, holding onto the doorframe when everything got spinny. "Two more months and Matt can see that specialist."

Mrs. Rodriguez stuck her head out of 3B. She always looked worried about something.

"So late again? Honey, you're gonna work yourself to death."

I put on a smile. I'd gotten really good at that over the past five years. "I'm okay, Mrs. Rodriguez. Matt needs me to do this."

She made that sad face and shook her head. "That boy's lucky he's got you."

Lucky? No, I owe him. The thought came automatically. Matthew's family took me in when I had nowhere else to go. His parents treated me like their own daughter. And then that horrible night five years ago when everything changed, Mr. and Mrs. Morrison died in that car crash, and Matt lost his sight in some accident right around the same time. I'd lost the only real family I'd ever known, and Matt lost everything too.

The least I could do was take care of him. Especially since... God, Alice, stop being stupid about it. But I couldn't help how I felt about him. Even now, even when things were this hard.

The apartment was dark except for the TV light. Matt was sitting on our crappy couch, turned toward the door like he'd been listening for me. When I walked in, he did that thing where he turns his head just right, like he's trying to figure out where I am.

"You're super late tonight," he said in that soft voice. "You sound tired. Bad day?"

I kicked off my shoes and tried not to make a face when my feet hit the cold floor. They were so swollen. "It's fine. Let me get you some milk."

"Alice." He said my name in that way that always made me feel guilty. "You don't have to kill yourself working like this. I worry about you."

And there it was, that warm feeling in my chest. Even with everything wrong with his eyes, even needing me for everything, Matt still cared about me. "I'm good. Really. The more money we save, the faster we can get you to that doctor Dr. Kumar talked about."

I was heading to the kitchen when his phone buzzed on the coffee table. The screen lit up.

"Can you grab that for me?" Matt asked, pointing kind of in the wrong direction.

I picked up his phone and saw a text from Elena: VIP club 2pm tomorrow. Don't forget sunglasses and your setup.

My stomach dropped. "Elena texted you."

Matt took the phone, and his fingers moved across it way too easily. "Oh yeah, she said something about a support group thing. For blind people. Thought it might help."

"That's... cool." But my voice sounded weird. VIP club? What kind of support group meets at a VIP club?

"You should sleep," Matt said, already looking at his phone. "You look dead."

I nodded, then remembered he couldn't see me. "Yeah. Night, Matt."

But I couldn't sleep. I just lay there staring at nothing, thinking about Elena's message. Don't forget sunglasses and your setup. What setup? What did a blind person need to bring to a support group?

I called in sick to my afternoon job. I'd never done that before, not once in five years. I felt awful about it as I stood outside this fancy place called the Grandview Club. It was in the business part of town, probably cost more for one night than I made in a month.

This is so stupid, I told myself. You're being crazy.

But I went through the spinning doors anyway.

"Hi, do you have a reservation?" The girl at the front desk had that customer service smile.

"I'm... looking for Matthew Morrison? He's supposed to be at some meeting?"

"Oh yeah, Mr. Morrison. He's upstairs with his friend. Second floor, turn right."

My hands were shaking as I went up the stairs. There were all these rooms with glass doors, and I found the right one and looked through a crack in the curtains.

Everything stopped.

Matt was sitting at this nice table with a wine glass, laughing at something Elena said. His head was moving normally, watching her talk. His eyes were following everything she did.

His eyes were working perfectly.

He must've felt me watching because he looked right at the door. Right at me.

For like a second, he looked totally freaked out. Then his face went cold.

He said something to Elena, and she looked at the door with this smirk. Matt just shrugged, drank his wine, and went back to talking to her like I wasn't even there.

"I need to relax sometimes," I heard him say. "Some people just wouldn't get it."

Elena's voice was all sweet. "Want me to talk to her?"

"Nah," Matt said, sounding bored. "She figured it out. Whatever."

I don't remember getting home. I don't remember the bus or walking up the stairs. I just remember sitting on our couch at eight, watching Matt move around the kitchen, humming along to the radio.

"Matt." My voice sounded gross and scratchy. "We need to talk."

He kept stirring whatever was in the pot. "About what?"

"About why you were at that club today. About why you could see Elena just fine."

The stirring stopped. It got really quiet.

Then he sighed and put the spoon down. When he turned around, he looked straight at me. No more of that vague looking-around thing.

"Well," he said. "Guess we're doing this."

"How long?" I could barely get the words out. "How long have you been faking this?"

"The whole time."

I felt like I was gonna throw up. Five years. Five years of working myself to death, saving every penny, feeling bad whenever I was too tired to help him.

"The doctor appointments," I said. "All the treatments, all that money..."

"I needed a real life." He looked around our apartment like it was disgusting. "You think I wanted to sit in this dump every day? That money let me actually live sometimes."

"But why?" My voice cracked. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Because you owed me." He said it like it was obvious. "Don't tell me you forgot about five years ago. That night when it was snowing like crazy."

I stared at him. I had no idea what he was talking about. "What? What snow?"

Something weird crossed his face, like he was surprised. But it was gone fast.

"You seriously don't remember?" He stepped closer, and he wasn't being careful about how he moved anymore.

"I don't..." My head was pounding. "Matt, I don't know what you mean."

He stared at my face for a long time, then shook his head like he was disappointed.

"Maybe that's better," he said, walking toward the bedroom. "But I remember. I'll always remember."

He stopped at the door.

"You think this was about money, Alice? This was never about money."

The door shut, and I was just sitting there by myself, everything I thought I knew completely destroyed.

What did I do five years ago that I can't remember? I kept thinking.