Chapter 3: Fragments of Memory

9 a.m., at Sterling Private Hospital.

“Ms. Elysa, we have thoroughly examined you and cross-checked your results with your previous hospital. Everything matches… You have advanced-stage stomach cancer.”

My heart seemed to stop. There was no doubt anymore—I really had cancer. Those two words, advanced-stage, were enough to tear apart every remaining shred of hope inside me. Two months… only two months left to breathe, to hold Kael’s hand, to hear my mother laugh, to still dream of a future. I stood frozen, my eyes blank, every cell in my body drained of energy.

Stepping out of the consultation room, I moved almost unconsciously. No driver, no assistant, no car waiting. Just my exhausted body and a soul nearly empty. My footsteps echoed across the floor, yet I could not hear them. The doctor’s words about treatment options faded into an endless void.

Crossing the hospital gates, the traffic blurred before my eyes, the colors and sounds smudged like a painting erased. I staggered, asking myself: Why am I still alive? Why couldn’t I… end it all then and there?

In that moment, memories of happiness rose up, mingling with my present pain. I remembered that night clearly—Kael grabbed my hand, and we danced in the light rain. My hair was tangled, my clothes plastered to my skin, yet he laughed. I laughed with him, my heart ready to burst with joy. Every raindrop seemed to beat with our laughter, each second stretching into eternity.

Another time, Kael was in the kitchen, holding a spoon, cooking the pasta I loved. He smiled, a hint of pride in his voice:

“Elysa, today you get to taste the special dish of the world’s most talented chef—that’s me!”

I laughed, a warm laugh echoing in my chest, so bright it hurt, as if I wanted to hold that moment forever.

Even earlier, at dinner at home, my mother looked at me in my new dress. Her eyes sparkled with pride, her gentle smile as if she wanted to embrace the entire world. My chest ached, tears flowing uncontrollably. The warmth and peace in that little room made every worry vanish, if only for a fleeting instant.

But all of it was just distant light, reflecting the despair I faced now. My heart raced as though it would shatter. My legs felt like lead, hands trembling, cold sweat soaking my back. In my mind, a whisper:

“I can’t take this anymore… or should I run away from it all?”

A cold thought rose: if I kept living, I would endure every pain, witness everyone hurting because of me… why not just end it now?

I flung the folder into the trash and dashed into the street.

CRASH!

The clang of metal, tires skidding across asphalt, shards of glass flying into my face. The acrid smell of gasoline hit my nose. A sharp pain shot from my head to my toes; my body felt crushed, spasms running through every bone. My eyes squeezed shut, my ears ringing, the chaotic noise like a living nightmare. Heat and cold clashed through me simultaneously, my heart racing, my breath ragged. Every nerve trembled with raw electricity, dizziness paralyzing my body. Everything slipped into darkness…

When I opened my eyes again, pain coursed through me, unbearable. My head felt like it was splitting into pieces, vision hazy.

“Elysa… are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?”—Kael’s deep, warm voice trembled with worry, strangling my heart.

Panic seized me; my voice shook:

“Who… who are you?”

Kael froze, his eyes filled with despair, trembling hands touching my shoulders:

“I’m Kael… your fiancé. We’re engaged… and we’re getting married in two months.”

Tears streamed down my face, my voice choked and screaming:

“No! I just graduated! I haven’t got a boyfriend. How… how can I be marrying you?”

Kael gripped my hand, voice breaking:

“Elysa… you have to trust me. We’ve been together for over seven years. You told me you wanted a grand wedding by the sea… don’t you remember?”

The door opened, and my mother stepped in, her eyes red, hands shaking. I clung to her as if she were a lifeline:

“Mom! Who is this man… he says I’m going to marry him, but I… I just graduated!”

Kael stood there, body swaying, hands trembling, voice choked, tears streaming.

Mother paused for a moment, her voice gentle but quivering:

“Perhaps… the doctor’s words caused this. Elysa…has temporarily lost your memory.”

I held my mother tightly, voice thick with emotion:

“Please make him leave… I don’t want to see him. I… I’m scared…”

Kael sobbed, trying to stay composed:

“If you need anything, call me… I’ll always be right outside.”

He left. The door closed behind him, leaving a heavy void, silence like a bottomless pit. Mother helped me lie down, stroking my hair as she used to when I was a child. I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep so she would relax, yet tears still streamed, each drop scorching my chest.

In the afternoon light streaming through the window, the engagement ring on my hand glittered. I knew it was mine, yet I pretended to forget everything to feel the pain, the emptiness—as if time and memory had abandoned me. My trembling fingers touched the ring, heart aching piece by piece, familiar yet strange, real yet false—exactly like the game I had created for myself.

I sighed, exhaustion and helplessness weighing me down, asking myself:

“If in the end I’m still going to die, why couldn’t I have died sooner?”

Outside the hallway, Kael’s footsteps echoed, then abruptly stopped. The curtains swayed gently in the breeze, the clock ticked steadily—all creating a hollow, aching emptiness. Two months… just two months to do what? To test him, to watch his reaction, or to endure pain that no one could share?

I muttered softly, voice barely a whisper to myself:

“Or… maybe I should live through these two months, to see… if love… is strong enough to pull me through this storm?”