Chapters

Rule 1- Always keep a spare tyre… or maybe two.

Rule 2- Gossip is like glitter, it spreads fast, sticks forever and explodes in your face when you least expect it.

Rule 3- Life's a costume party; the prize? A killer first impression.

Rule 4- Trying to keep everyone happy is like juggling marshmallows. It’s pointless, challenging and inevitably makes a mess.

Rule 5- Don’t be embarrassed about dropping your phone. You’re not clumsy, you just conducted a random gravity test and it still works!

Rule 6- Never assume things are obvious, unless you prefer to revel in the confusion of assumed understanding.

Rule 7- Avoid losing your keys by attaching them to a helium balloon. You won't lose them; they'll just be inconveniently floating near the ceiling!

Rule 8- Embrace context, it’s the punchline of communication.

Rule 9- When in doubt, assume everything is photoshopped.

Rule 10-The best way to win a fight is to avoid it altogether. It's like winning by default, but with significantly fewer bruises.

Rule 11- Always learn the correct way to behave. If you’re going to break rules, it should be on purpose.

Rule 12- You think you hate your alarm, but if you were going anywhere other than work you’d love it.

Rule 13- Don't invite debt into your life unless you want it to crash on your couch for months and eat all your good snacks.

Rule 14- Treat red lights like unexpected dance breaks in your epic carpool karaoke performance.

Rule 15- Never underestimate the power of a well-timed eye roll or a shared sense of humour when dealing with workplace absurdities.

Rule 16- Always carry sunglasses. They’re good for hiding from the sun AND for avoiding obsessed fans.

Rule 17- The internet is like a spooky forest. You should enter it warily and with a strong sense of caution.

Rule 18- Embrace the majestic power of a mug that says, "I'm ready to conquer the day"

Rule 19- Don’t expect too much when it comes to fast food. It rarely is as good as you remember.

Rule 20- When you're trying to sneak around, just remember, your parents have been playing this game a lot longer than you have.

Rule 21- When your computer starts giving you attitude, remember you have the ability to unplug it or just hit it with a hammer.

Rule 22- Improv skills are key. Just remember to always bring your charm along for the ride, and no one will ever suspect a thing!

Rule 23- Lying is only a problem if you get caught.

Rule 24- Rejecting someone is like ripping off a Band-Aid - do it quickly and don’t hesitate. The same rule applies to dealing with persistent salesmen.

Rule 25-If you have to ask yourself, "Is this a good idea?" it's probably not.

Rule 26- Your true best friend is the one who will be sitting next to you in jail saying ‘damn that was fun.’

Rule 27- If at first you don't succeed, try again. If you keep failing at the same thing, maybe it's time to try something else.

Rule 28-Visiting someone at work is like crashing their party; make sure you're invited, and if you're not, at least bring snacks.

Rule 29- If normalcy were a race, we'd all be sprinting in different directions. Embrace the chaos, it's more fun anyway.

Rule 30- If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Rule 31- Admire from afar. Chatting up the firefighter while your kitchen's burning won't impress anyone. Plus, they're kinda busy.

Rule 32- Never underestimate the power of a snack.

Rule 33- If trouble knocks on your door, pretend you're not home. Trust me, it'll get tired of waiting eventually.

Rule 34- Don’t go to bed unhappy, you never know if you’re going to wake up.

Rule 35- Remember, you can’t be brave without being scared first.

Rule 36- When all else fails, it’s time to call your dad and admit you need help.

Rule 37- Take breaks like a cat takes naps - frequently, unapologetically, and with complete disregard for anyone else's schedule.

Rule 38- Don’t trust that someone is being honest just because they aren’t lying.

Rule 39- Value those who take the time to lecture you; it means they care.

Rule 40- Don’t ask questions unless you’re confident you are ready to hear the answers.

Rule 41- Blood ties don't grant you magical powers, unless you count the power to embarrass yourself at family gatherings.

Rule 42- Always be kind. It may be small to you, yet still be a big deal to someone else.

Rule 43- Remember, winning is easy if you don’t care about playing fair.

Rule 44- Your real friends are the ones who know all your secrets and still choose to be seen with you in public.

Rule 45- When answering the door, remember: it's either a friend with pizza or someone selling something you don't need. Choose wisely.

Rule 46- It’s better to seek forgiveness than wait for permission.

Rule 47- If you break something you have three choices, fix it, hide it, or admit the mistake and face the consequences.

Rule 48- When boasting about your flying skills, remember: even chickens can flutter.

Rule 49- When your heel breaks, let out a dramatic gasp, then carry on like it's a catwalk audition for "Stumbling with Style."

Rule 50- Before falling in love, check for tripping hazards.

Rule 51-If you’re going to eat your feelings, make sure they're low in calories. Emotional baggage is heavy enough without the added weight gain!

Rule 52- If you're going to lie, at least make it a story worth telling.

Rule 53- Remember, just because you didn’t pay for something that doesn’t mean it won’t cost you.

Rule 54- The most important rule of any board game: blame the dice, not your terrible strategy.

Rule 55- If you can’t fix it with food or duct tape, it’s not worth fixing.

Rule 56- If you expect others to open up, be ready to share the key to your treasure chest first.

Rule 57- Looks lose their allure after a few days. So take your time.

Rule 58- Sometimes you just need to ask yourself, ‘do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’

Rule 59- No matter how nice the dinner, never underestimate the power of dessert

Rule 60- If life gives you lemons, try to find someone with tequila and salt.

Rule 61- Want to know someone's true feelings? Watch their friends.

Rule 62- If you hear ominous music, it's either a sign of impending danger or someone's just practising their violin. Either way, stay alert!

Rule 63- If you can't beat the crowd, join it.

Rule 64- Ladies don’t start fights, but they can finish them.

Rule 65- When in doubt, follow the locals... but if they're running away, then maybe reconsider your plans to hang around.

Rule 66- Avoid unwanted phone calls by pretending to be a telemarketer when answering your phone.

Rule 67- Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time. Stick to simpler emotions, like enjoying pizza. It's less complicated.

Rule 68- If you trip on the stairs, remember: the fall doesn’t define you, it's how you recover. And try not to spill your coffee.

Rule 69- Beware of bargains that seem too tempting; they often come with hidden costs.

Rule 70- Admitting when you're being unreasonable is like defusing a bomb; it's terrifying, but if you don't, things might explode in your face.

Rule 71- Before asking for someone's number, make sure you're prepared for the responsibility of responding promptly to their texts and keeping your phone charged.

Rule 72- If you're not sure if it's appropriate, send it anyway and blame autocorrect.

Rule 73- If you’re the fifth wheel: Embrace your role as the wild card - you add the spice, the unexpected twist, and sometimes, the comic relief!

Rule 74- Remember, it's not about how much you can drink, but how gracefully you can handle the aftermath. Also, hydration is key.

Rule 75- There's no problem that chocolate can't make at least a little better.

Rule 76- When hungover, drink plenty of water, eat something greasy, and don't make any major life decisions until you can remember your own name.

Rule 77- Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

Rule 78- If you're going to wear your heart on your sleeve, make sure it's stylish and matches your outfit.

Rule 79- When you’re unwell the only decision you should make is to choose between types of soup.

Rule 80- Don't expect food to fix your problems, unless the problem is hunger. Then, by all means, grab a snack and carry on!

Rule 81- When stuck on a problem, pause and come back with fresh eyes, OR obsess over it until you go insane. Your choice!

Rule 82- Being tired is your body's way of saying, "Please don't make any life decisions right now."

Rule 83- A single kind word can flip your day like a pancake—warm, sweet, and definitely more palatable.

Rule 84- Worrying is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.

Rule 85- If you must lie, take notes—your memory is no match for the wrath of someone who catches you.

Rule 86- Guilt is like that friend who shows up uninvited and overstays their welcome. Learn to show them the door when necessary.

Rule 87- Difficult choices are like puzzles—sometimes you have to put the wrong pieces together before the right one clicks.

Rule 88- Evil people are like weeds—ignore them, and they take over your garden; pull them up, and the view improves instantly.

Rule 89- People will believe a lie because they want it to be true, or because they’re afraid it’s true.

Rule 90- Making a clean break is like ending a mediocre movie—don't wait for a twist ending that won't come, just walk away.

Rule 91- Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but too much distance might make the heart forget why it was fond in the first place.

Rule 92- Sometimes the only way to get things done is to do absolutely nothing.

Rule 93- When in crisis, a hair makeover is cheaper than therapy.

Rule 94- If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.

Rule 95- Greed is like trying to hog the dance floor—you might get all the attention, but you'll be left dancing alone.

Rule 96- You can't truly hate someone without loving them a little first.

Rule 97- Sometimes you have to ask for what you want—if you don't, things might never change.

Rule 98- Opening someone else's mail is like opening a can of worms—messy, invasive, and you're likely to end up with some unwanted surprises.

Rule 99- When gift giving, it’s the thought that counts—but make sure your thoughts include a gift receipt just in case!

Rule 100- Dealing with liars is like playing poker—watch their tells and keep your cards close to your chest.

Rule 101- A kiss can convey affection, but it doesn't come with an instruction manual. Use responsibly; may cause heart flutters and irrational decisions.

Rule 102- If you're tired or emotional, postpone major decisions—unless the decision is to take a nap.

Rule 103- In disagreements, listen to understand, not to reload your next argument.

Rule 104- If you can't remember why you walked into a room, walk out and start over.

Rule 105- If at first, you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mum told you to in the first place.

Rule 106- If it feels like a trap, it probably is—bring snacks and proceed with caution.

Rule 107- Protective mothers are like bodyguards—you might not always want them around, but they're great at keeping you out of trouble!

Rule 108- If you're late, arrive with confidence—it distracts from your tardiness.

Rule 109- If you drop your phone on your face in bed, it's your cue to sleep.

Rule 110- Ghosts might be spooky, but remember, they're just trying to find closure—kind of like a really persistent ex!

Rule 111- Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.

Rule 112- -Never trust a silent pet. They're probably up to no good, and you'll find the evidence later.

Rule 113- It won’t matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying. Just thank the universe for the caffeine and move on!

Rule 114- Emotions are just life’s way of giving roller coaster rides. Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, and enjoy the thrill!

Rule 115- For every 10 questions a child asks, you get to ask one back. Warning: Their answers might be as confusing as their questions!

Rule 116- If someone you care about offers you a cuddle, always accept. It's like a free recharge for your soul.

Rule 117- The messier the desk, the more creative the genius—or so they say!

Rule 118- When flirting, maintain eye contact and throw in a compliment. OR, just blame it on the weather, "Is it hot in here?"

Rule 119- When making eye contact you have two choices, look away quickly or double down and turn it into a staring contest.

Rule 120- When you're in doubt, dance it out—even if no one else hears the music.

Rule 121- If it's glowing, don’t touch it unless you want to make a mess.

Rule 122- Subtlety is key, but if you can’t manage that, being blunt as a sledgehammer has its benefits too.

Rule 123- Never expect personal space if you have a cat. Your lap, keyboard, and bed are all part of their kingdom. Resistance is futile!

Rule 124- Avoid arguing with a fool; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Rule 125- Never interfere with a woman’s bath time. It’s her sanctuary- approach at your own peril, and bring offerings of chocolate!

Rule 126- You’re in charge of your actions, so own them- if you mess up, at least make it an entertaining story!

Rule 127- Every night, take a moment to appreciate your bed like it’s a five-star luxury suite. Fluff those pillows and dive in.

Rule 128- A dad’s job is to protect his daughter, like a knight guarding a princess. Always ready to defend her with love and strength.

Rule 129- Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep.

Rule 130- Best friends are like bras- supportive, always close to your heart, and there to lift you up when you need it most.

Rule 131- Remember, love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.

Rule 132- Remember, being paranoid doesn’t automatically make you wrong.

Rule 133- Know that it is impossible to truly hate someone unless you care about them first.

Rule 134- It’s never too late to look for a silver lining. Just because things are going wrong it doesn’t mean everything is.

Rule 135- Want to make friends? Be yourself, share your snacks, and always be ready with an emergency joke.

Rule 136- When you’re mad, grab a sponge and clean. Imagine the grime is everything that’s annoying you, and scrub it out of existence.

Rule 137- Holding onto anger is like gripping a cactus- let it go before it hurts you more than anyone else.

Rule 138- If your pet starts hiding your work shoes, it's time to give them some attention... or find a new job.

Rule 139- Remember the three D's: Dodge, Duck, and Disguise.

Rule 140- Always remember to turn your phone on silent before trying to be sneaky.

Rule 141- Death is the last page of your story, make sure every page is a tale worth telling.

Rule 142- Having someone you trust to make decisions for you is like having a guardian angel. Never take that for granted.

Rule 143- Being prideful is like wearing a too-tight crown, it looks impressive until it gives you a headache.

Rule 144- Loss is painful, it reminds us of what we had, but also teaches us to cherish what we still have.

Rule 145- Always be prepared for unexpected guests, keep snacks, a clean bathroom, and the nerve to kick them out when it’s time to leave.

Rule 146- Teamwork is like assembling a puzzle, each piece matters, and when everyone fits together, you create a masterpiece.

Rule 147- Guilt is like a nagging goblin, don’t let it take up space rent-free in your mind. Face it, and send it packing.

Rule 148- Never make decisions when you’re emotional, your brain on feelings is like a squirrel on espresso. Give it a minute!

Rule 149- Laughter is the best medicine, take a dose daily, no prescription needed, and side effects include happiness and abs workout!

Rule 150- All relationships are like snowflakes, each one is unique, beautiful in its own way, and prone to melting if not handled with care.

Rule 151- Life can be anticlimactic, so find joy in the mundane, sometimes the best moments are the ones that sneak up on you quietly.

Rule 152- Think of pros and cons like a game of tug-of-war, if the cons pull harder, it’s time to let go and find a new rope.

Rule 153- Dying may be your end, but it’s not for those left behind, live in a way that fills those memories with love.

Rule 154- Talking behind someone's back is like gossiping to a mirror, what you say will reflect back at you, so speak carefully.

Rule 155- Alone time is like recharging your phone, take the time to recharge, or you'll run out of juice when you need it most!

Rule 156- Things may seem obvious from the outside, but remember, spectators have a clear view and none of the pressure of playing the game.

One action can have many meanings—interpret with care, because what looks like a wave could be hello, goodbye, or just swatting a fly.

Rule 158- Family isn't just about blood, it's about who you can call at 2am to bail you out or to just bring emergency ice-cream.

Rule 159- Don’t overcomplicate things. Sometimes the hardest questions have the most simple answers.

Rule 160- When you love someone, make your feelings clear, don't drop hints like breadcrumbs, serve up your heart on a platter!

Rule 161- Trying new things is like jumping into a pool, even if it’s a bit chilly at first, you’ll be glad you did.

Rule 162- Learning is like going to a carnival, there's always something new, and sometimes the rides are wild, but they're always worth it!

Rule 163- When dating a girl, remember: her friends are the approval committee. Win them over, or prepare for an uphill battle!

Rule 164- Never underestimate a mother’s power, she’s like a detective, therapist, and cheerleader all rolled into one.

Rule 165- Honesty is like working out, awkward and sweaty at first, but keep at it and soon you'll be flexing your truth muscles!

Rule 166- Love and connections are like roots and wings, deep roots make you stable, and strong wings set you free.

Rule 167- Feeling discontent is like an itchy sweater, uncomfortable, but it might just push you to find something that fits you better.

Rule 168- Dropping by someone's home unannounced is like showing up to a party in pyjamas, fun, but they might not be ready for it!

Rule 169- The truth sets you free, think of it as your all-access pass to a life with no cover-ups or baggage fees.

Rule 170- The Final Chapter- Love is like fine-tuning a masterpiece, polish each other's rough edges, refine your strengths, and create a work of art.

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Rule 106- If it feels like a trap, it probably is—bring snacks and proceed with caution.

Ashton’s mum escorts me to a large bathroom. As we walk my knees are a little shaky and she hovers over me. Not touching me at all, but close enough to help should I REALLY need it. The bathroom is… Different. It has stone walls and a large skylight in the ceiling. There is a seat that looks like a ...